A friend was talking about getting a new car and their excitement reminded me of how thrilled I was when I bought my Jaguar XK-8 cabriolet some time ago. Many have asked me what the purpose of the Jag Jabs are (a term coined not by me but one of my readers) so I’ve decided to regale you with some of my tales of woe.
I’ve been fortunate in life, and after coming off two Mercedes disappointments, I decided a whole new level of disappointment was necessary. As a car snob, I was trying to think of what I might want to drive next. I didn’t want another Mercedes, my wife had a BMW, the Audi’s didn’t look nice back then, I wasn’t a fan of Porsche and I wasn’t James Patterson so Ferrari’s and Lamborghini’s weren’t in my price range.
IMPORTANT NOTE TO PORSCHE: if you want some nice product placement in my future books, I’m more than willing to take a free 911 Cabriolet!
Browsing Autotrader for convertibles, I spotted a Jaguar and immediately fell in love. I had made a decision that buying new seemed to not have worked out for me, so why not buy used, the kinks already worked out. The car was at a Jag dealer, it was under warranty, was in mint condition and had low mileage.
So why not?
Well, let me tell you why not.
But not all of it today, it would take too much time. But I will reveal the myriad of reasons over a few missives.
Where I live the big car market is about a four hour drive from here. I contacted the dealer, they assured me the car was perfect and besides, it had a warranty and that warranty would be honored by my local Jag dealer, so there was nothing to worry about. Everything was arranged, I had them install the Bluetooth before I got there and throw in a set of winter tires, a necessity here because, yes, I intended to drive the thing year round—why the hell not? On the truly bad days I’d take my wife’s car, but most days of the winter the roads are generally bare, you just don’t want to be caught in an unexpected snowstorm with 300+ horsepower at your command and hard as rock all-season tires.
The day came.
I picked up a certified check from the bank and rented a car, a Chrysler 300 I believe, then drove down to get my new ride, all excited and proud of myself. Arriving using my Mapquest printouts at the rental company, I was driven to the dealership, met the rep, took the car out for a spin, and immediately fell further in love with it. It was absolutely gorgeous and accelerated like nobody’s business, almost as good as my 1998 SVT Cobra Convertible in Cobra Yellow (the only car I’ve ever missed, but that’s another story).
The paperwork was signed, three of the four winter tires were stuffed into the interior of the car including one in the passenger seat—yes, it was cramped but I didn’t care—and I was soon underway with my reversed Mapquest printouts at my side.
For those who’ve never driven in Toronto, let me describe it like this—it’s LA, just with people who apologize to you rather than wave a gun when you cut them off. The thoroughfares are massive ten to sixteen lane affairs that you can’t just take the next turnoff and butterfly around to reverse direction.
In other words, once you’re on, unless you know where you’re going, you’re committed.
About ten minutes into my drive the first indicator light came on the dash.
An ABS light.
I cursed, slamming my fist into the steering wheel.
What happened next was even worse.
To be continued…right here.
So now it’s your turn. Tell me about your worst car buying experience in the comments section. Can you top mine so far?
Rob
Uh oh. I already hate where this is going.
I mean buying a Jag seems like an amazingly cool thing to do, even if used. But, uh…..my experience with used cars (though not as dramatic as I’m guessing yours will turn out to be) has been uniformly disappointing. You usually end up buying something that has at least a few parts nearing the end of their life: needs a new tuneup, head gasket, brakes, muffler, the works. And nothing is easy anymore either – it’s all computerized, and you have to get it computer tested before the dealer/garage can tell you exactly why the “check engine” light is flashing its dull “sucker” light in your face.
Looking forward to the next instalment Robert!
Hi Rob.
I can’t top your experience, especially since the worst is yet to come! But, I can share a really expensive experience I had with a new car. I’d owned a 1970 Dodge Charger RT with a 440 Magnum engine, and I dearly loved that car. After they stopped making them, I drove a variety of other sporty cars. Then, Dodge upped the ante, and I bought a 1985 Dodge Daytona Turbo Z. Love that car too. I bought it in central Ohio and soon drove it cross-country to my new home I southern California. Made the trip in early July, crossed the deserts in the daytime, and found that the Goodyear Gatorbacks were melted! Spent a thousand bucks on new tires in the second month I owned it (and learned my lesson!)
Looking forward to the next Jag Saga installment as much as I look forward to your next book!!!
Looks like a new series.. Jag Jab. Now that you have us all hooked on the story, the next installments could be .99 on Amazon!!!!
Doug, my best friend’s dad in high school used to rebuild old cars as a hobby. I don’t think he’d ever touch anything he had to hook a computer up to. That reminds me of a Mercedes horror story I’ll share at another time where I pitted my 20 years of computer experience against the mechanic and turned out to be right.
Chuck, okay, I can honestly say I haven’t seen melted tires outside of a Jag fire. Reminds me of Days of Thunder where Tom Cruise melted his tires driving his way, and the tires looked great driving Duvall’s way. Okay, now I have to go watch that movie!
Fred, charging for the Jag Jab back story? Great idea!
What were you thinking? Almost everyone knows that sports cars are driven hard, and you only get rid of a sports car when you start having problems with it.
However, I did the same thing you did, but in my defense I was 20 years old, in college and I really needed to have a cool car. I bought a used Austin Healey 3000. Two of my roommates had sports cars too— an MG A, and a Triumph. Every morning the three of us would prepare to leave for school a half hour early so that we could help each other get started. Sports cars are notoriously hard starting in cold weather unless they are garage kept. I didn’t put the top up on my Austin Healey unless it was raining or colder than 20 degrees F.
I had to look cool at all cost. All three of us would try to park on a hill so that we could jump start our cars. Many days we ended up pushing them hand to get them started.
My story contains never ending repairs too. More later.
My ’68 Jag Mk II ran beautifully. But that was back when they made ’em reliable.
My nightmare? The only car I ever bought brand new: A Ford Fusion Sport AWD. Loved the car, but it came pre-installed with a magnet methinks.
Had it three weeks, someone lane-changed into me – replaced half the sheet metal on the drivers side.
Two months later: Rear ended by someone on their phone.
8 months after that: Someone oncoming turned left across my lane. Put the front right corner of their minivan straight through my grill. Airbags worked great, but the car was a write-off. Took the insurance money, retired the loan, bought a 15-year old Honda Accord in a fit of frustration.
OK, so when do we hear the rest of your Jag Saga?
Must have been a big magnet! The Jag Saga continues here:
https://www.jrobertkennedy.com/?p=3620&
And I’ll get to more of it one of these days. Just too much to tell and too little time!
I’m thoroughly enjoying you Jag Jabs – I couldn’t see how you would fit it into Amazon Burning, and laughed out loud today when it finally turned up. You may even get my man to read fiction at this rate – he is intrigued by the Jag Jabs, as I shout them out to him as they occur. Did I mention I’m on an Acton marathon this month?
Glad you’re enjoying them! I have to admit I’m particularly proud of the Amazon Burning Jag Jab. Even I was wondering how the heck I’d work it in, but I did!